Monthly Archives: May 2014

Judgmental Stares

By Divanna

I’m constantly being judged even when I don’t know it
My pride wont let me show its effects on my.mind

My illness had been made to hide
Leaving me acting on a whim, smiling at them and feeling crushed from the inside

Not be in stride with what a disease should be
The looks focused on my face trying to find the pain I hide everywhere but within my eyes

I sigh
disgusted and delirious
The world is growing oblivious
my sight is getting serious
because they say my eyes will eventually grow to be faulty

I cant open the door more
The need to hide and cry and work my ass off to get by..
makes the illusion of my being alright grow loudly

I tip toe with heavy steps
My knowledge doesnt matter when they dont think im capable of fighting something I cant control

Like a pick and roll except the defender clings to me
Does things to me
Makes me cry and have my personality rescind in me……
Because it never plays nice or leaves my  my ego intact

What is given can not increase without guidance
I am forced to hide in
My own mental prison
Getting lost in the mazes of wonderland
Lacking wander

Im not buying what you tell me I fought for
It seems irrelavent in the scheme of things
I canqt make you feel my pain
Or cling to these truths I bring

So continue to judge and tell me how I don’t look sickly
How im faking what’s in me
How no one can understand it is continually with me

How no one can seem to get how it gets to me
Incubating a hate that knows no bounds
I been around….

But no one seems to see how hard it has been…to be….around

Davinna is a N.Y. blogger/writer who believes that your own experiences shape and make you. She shares her experience in her battle with sickle cell disease through poetry. Check out more of her work on her blog page http://iusedtohavetheblues.blogspot.com/